Did you just get out of a bad relationship? Or are you currently in one and ready to start a new chapter on your own? Maybe you’re happily single, and wanting to love on yourself like never before. Well, you’ve come to the right place, and this message was ordained for you. Life’s obstacles can prevent us from prioritizing ourselves. Whether it be family, friends, work, or a new hobby, sometimes we forget that we have to put ourselves first. Without a full heart and complete focus, we tend to lack what we need on a daily basis. While you’re flying solo, this is the optimal time to let your glow flourish.
Before we get into some ways to unlock your personal glow, let’s clear up some stigmas on the status: single. Being single does NOT mean you are lonely! When you focus on what fuels your fire and makes you passionate, you will never feel alone. Finding ground in your spirituality is a constant reminder that God is always with you, regardless of being boo’d up, or having Netflix as your significant other! Surrounding yourself with positive friends, peers, and others who share common interests will always keep you feeling full. Being single allows you to endlessly consume the time you need to do what’s best for you. And when you’re ready to walk into that new relationship, you’ll glow, and be better than ever.
As cliché as it sounds, journaling is really helpful in figuring out what the hell you’re going through and why you’re going through it. We always feel like we’re in a rut because we don’t verbalize or visualize the things we’re going through. We tend to sit in a mess and just wonder, instead of meticulously finding our way out of it.
When you journal, it allows you to make what’s on your mind plain. There are thousands of scriptures, poems, stories, and anecdotes detailing how important it is to write your thoughts and make them plain. When you journal, ask yourself, “Why is this event important to me?” or “How is this affecting my mental and physical health?” You can even go as far as to ask how it affects your future. The results may shock you. If you feel constrained by things like planners and journals, it may be an actual reality check for you.
Journals and other creative writing outlets are pivotal in keeping us associated with our realities. When we write, we tend to keep things real with others and ourselves. While you’re single, research some cool journals to log your journey in, and figure out what it takes to unlock your glow. Whether it be a new project, a pet, or changing up old habits, be transparent with yourself and make it plain!
[Glow]ing to Therapy
… [she] aims to annihilate the idea that Black women have a physical and psychological strength that makes them superhuman. Essentially, she shared that we are people too.
As you continue to glow, you have to realize the power in speaking your truth. There is healing in your words, not only for yourself but for others around you. Life is a constant journey of figuring it out. And with figuring it out, it means you’ll slip up from time to time.
That’s where therapy comes in. Regardless of it being a partner, friend, or what have you, we were built for companionship. This means that we cannot bear life alone. No matter how independent or self-efficient you are, best believe you’re not too good for some old fashioned couch time. Therapy is an amazing opportunity to figure out things that have gone wrong in the past, and a time for you to figure out how to make things better for the future.
There is a therapy movement going on in the black community and we are completely here for it. There is no shame in wanting to be a better person. Finding your glow means doing what makes you feel good on the inside. If sitting on a couch for an hour makes you better, then just lie back and spill it all, for you.
If you’re anything like me, then the mere thought of stepping outside of your safe space makes you want to hurl. I know, it’s sad. But, as much as I dislike it, it’s super beneficial for me. Even something as simple as a quick conversation walking down the bread aisle in the grocery store makes a difference in how you operate. Socializing with others can definitely help you define what makes you happy and things you dislike.
If socializing is not your strong suit, start with something small like going to kickbacks more often. Try apps like Eventbrite to find local events in your area that are hosted at quaint spaces. In Atlanta, there are TONS of events every weekend that draw small and intimate crowds, such as speakeasies and comedy shows.
Being single is an optimal time to figure out what you look for in a partner. Whether you’ve been in a relationship before or just starting out, trying out the dating scene is a good way to figure out what you do and do not like. It’s also a great way to get over dating jitters, figuring out what punchlines to say and how you’re going to dig into that food for the next time. The best way to glow in any case is to push yourself outside your comfort zone, and doing the world’s most difficult thing in today’s society will help you do just that.
Now THIS… this is the top two and not two. Another way to use your time wisely in your single stage? HIT THE GYM! What better way to focus on you and get your glow than to get snatched? Going to the gym is not only refreshing for your body, but it’s refreshing for your mind. Treating your body right gives you a renewed sense of energy and drive to get more accomplished.
Treating yourself right also means changing your eating habits. You’re single now and you’ve finished crying over that pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream. Now you’ve really got to look in the mirror and consider what things you want to change in your life. Eating right isn’t just a diet, but a lifestyle. And no, it doesn’t mean you have to eat a raisin and two crackers as a meal, but just consider changing your portion sizes or swapping out something fried for something baked.
Being single means having time to focus on yourself and what brings you the most positive satisfaction. Creating a healthier lifestyle through eating and exercising is a guaranteed way to see results both mentally and physically. Try to set small goals in the beginning and work towards bigger levels of discipline. Because at the end of the day, the glow is for YOU, and no one else.
This is the MOST important thing you can do during the time you’re rocking solo. Boundaries are so crucial for the safety of your glow, your mental and physical health. Boundaries allow us to care for others and allow others to care for us in a healthy way. So many things can and do go wrong when we don’t tell ourselves and other people what we will and will not tolerate. When you don’t set boundaries, you create a potential space for people to take advantage of you and mistreat your energy.
Setting boundaries for yourself can include many things like people you interact with, how long you’re on social media, and the type of messages you consume. If you ever receive something via another person or social media that gives you an icky feeling, there should probably be a boundary there. Those intuitive feelings we have never steer us wrong when it comes to the energy we should be receiving.
Setting boundaries for others also includes limiting the people you surround yourself with. You should always make a conscious effort to surround yourself with people who are supportive, practical, and loving. If there are people in your life who don’t possess these traits, try reconsidering your circle.
Making this effort while you’re single not only creates a level of respect for those around you, but it makes you respect yourself more! When you truly want to glow, you will not let any negative energy impact your journey. And when you finally decide to glow even brighter with a partner, your standards will be set and they will not waiver. Putting ideas and demands in place now will set you up for success in the future.
Being single is such a beautiful stage in life. It’s a time to grow and to learn – learn about yourself and others. Flying solo is an amazing chance to truly love yourself and find out what makes your heart soar. This is not to say that it can’t be done in a relationship, but when it’s just you in the car, you don’t have to make any extra stops. Just saying! Take the time to be selfish, because it’s okay! Put yourself first, and the rest will follow because you’ve made yourself whole. Now glow, girl, glow!