Questions with Qri: Am I Being Unreasonable for Asking My Partner to Get Tested With Me?

“I have been seeing a man for a few months now and I think we should get tested for STDs and HIV/Aids before we get intimate. I mentioned it to him but now I think he is upset with me. Am I being unreasonable asking for this?”

First, it is very commendable to ask that you both get tested. So if anything, you are being unreasonable for doubting yourself and thinking that you are being unreasonable in general! We both know that SEX IS NOT A GAME. You do not want to get caught up because you made an impulsive decision. If homeboy is upset, I would say to match his frustration with understanding. Try not to be combative, upset with him or yourself, and just take a few deep breaths.

Wanting to get tested should not coincide with pride

Since you have considered intimacy, it is clear that you like him, and I’m sure he has considered it as well. You guys are just currently having a misunderstanding, which happens! So, after you’ve taken a few breathes and gathered your thoughts, express to him your concerns (in a calm tone) and why getting tested matters to you. I encourage you to be completely transparent to ease his pride because at this point that’s the problem. He more than likely feels like you are “trying him” and insinuating that he has contracted something and is dirty. Yes, this is a childish thought process in every way, however, he’s a man and prideful. His initial thought process, unfortunately, is listening to respond instead of listening to understand. Because of this, you have to lead by example and understand him so he can in return understand you.

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Ask yourself if you should even continue entertaining him

Now if he makes the choice to be a dismissive prick and not understand your needs of wanting to get tested, then that means that he is not the one for you. What you did takes courage and honestly speaks volumes of you, your self-value, and your ability to uphold your standards! Let’s be honest, not many people can do that! Especially when it’s with someone that they like. You must remember that if he doesn’t respect you now than he won’t respect you later. Use this situation to show you who he really is. The way he’s acting now may be red flags for something even bigger later.

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Practice being safe now, rather than being sorry later

While I do understand the YOLO motive and sometimes just taking a chance, at the end of the day you rather be SAFE than SORRY! PERIODT POOH! When you start to feel weary on the personal choices you have made, remember that you are NOT being unreasonable for wanting to know the status of the person you could be getting intimate with. If he, or any other man, underminds your rightful curiosity, then it’s not worth taking the relationship to that level.