The Importance of Checking on Your Strong Friend

Many of us have that one friend we call when our lives are falling apart. He or she usually seems to have it all together ― a great job, a great living situation and a great group of friends. They are emotionally intelligent, fiscally responsible, exceptionally wise, and patient enough to listen to all of your problems. They are your rock, your accountability partner and your comforter. And if you don’t have a friend like this, chances are it’s because you are the strong friend ( 

Sometimes we get so caught up in our own troubles and tribulations that we don’t stop to ask our strong friend if they’re going through any themselves. It kind of falls back to that old cliche saying from grade school, “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” If we want our strong friend to always be there for us at our exasperating times of need, we need to reciprocate the gesture and be there for them as well. 

There are numerous reasons why we should check on our strong friend more. Often times they won’t be the ones to ask for help. To be honest—we don’t ask them either. We need to take that initiative! They could have two cinder blocks worth of stress upon their shoulders and all we care about is the no-good guy who won’t text us back or our pesky manager who got on our nerves today. 

Your strong friend may need help sorting things out in their life too. Maybe even just a lending ear will help them get through the mess inside their head—sometimes you don’t even have to talk. Just listen (

Be more cognizant of any transitions that may be occurring in your strong friend’s life. They might be acting as though a breakup, job switch, recent death in the family, or apartment move might be no big deal… but if you’ve weathered any of these big moments yourself, you know that they can take a toll ( They could be so used to never asking for help they might not feel comfortable to ask or know how to ask. Offer them some assistance even when they presume to have everything under control. Even the strongest things break under pressure. 


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Now, this is probably the biggest reason why we forget to check on our strong friend. And that is because we’ve never seen them in a vulnerable state before. They are so good at hiding that part of themselves and dealing with it internally (which isn’t healthy by the way).  Everyone deserves those moments of weakness when we cry and complain about the things that bother us the most.  Be that crying shoulder for them during their breakdowns and support them when they’re at their lowest. 

And to my “strong friends” out there― it’s okay to admit areas of vulnerability and weakness! Give your friends the opportunity to pour into you the same way you pour into others. And if you don’t feel like you have friends who are capable of pouring into you, it’s time for you to re-evaluate your circle of friends ( 

When is the last time you checked in on your strong friend? Or allowed a friend to check in on you? Allow your closest friends to see the real you — the sleepy you, the insecure you, the depressed you, the lonely you — and trust them to love you anyway! Because that’s what friends are for, right (



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